The Atonement

Every once in a while, I take a step back and realize just how little I actually understand about this incredible gift and how much my Father in Heaven actually loves me. Me. Just me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not an isolated case, he loves us all, but for just a second, I need to focus on his love for me. I never realized how I pictured meeting the Savior until I was really thinking about it in church on Sunday. I've been studying 3 Nephi where the Savior comes to the people, so it got me to thinking about it. I'm sure we can all imagine or remember back to a time when we've met someone famous, or important in some way shape or form. I've always found that it's kind of a let down. Like the image of the person never really lives up to the hype because you just feel so insignificant to that person afterwards. Maybe they were signing autographs and they treated you like a number. Like an obligatory signature because they were being paid to sit there. Or maybe, they talked to you for five mins and got the niceties out of the way, and they were gracious, but you had imagined something grand, and that five mins didn't compare to the reception you were hoping for in your head. Maybe, they were your favorite of something and you knew so much about them and somehow felt like they knew you, only to find out they were not in the least bit interested in anything about you. Your own insignificance staring you in the face. I realized on Sunday, this was how I pictured seeing my Savior. I pictured meeting him and him taking his five mins obligatory time to talk to me and moving on to more important/righteous people. How wrong I was. He is perfect, in every way. I was comparing him to mere mortal men who do not have the capacity to love me as he loves me. In a way that he knows my strengths and my weaknesses and he knows me better than I know myself. He wants to see me. He wants to spend time with me and he cares about the things I care about. I do not know when I bought into this idea that I was insignificant to him but at some point I did, and it stuck. I realized that I was comparing him to all the people who have let me down in the past. All the heartache I have felt, it would be no different. I know I was wrong. I see his hand in my life every day. I can name off blessings galore that I see in my life hourly and yet, somehow, someone was still able to convince me that I wasn't good enough for his love. I think this comes from a lack of understanding of who he is and of his Atonement. I want our meeting one day. to be a reunion of old friends. I want to know his face the second I see it. I want to feel his love in every aspect of my life and reflect that love in everything I do. Very rarely do I see myself the way he sees me. but I want to live my life so that I see others the way he sees them. That is charity. I want to feel that pure love of Christ. Then, and only then can I begin to understand his love for me. 

Irrational Fears

So I have some totally ridiculous irrational fears. To overcome such things, one should confess them right? So here goes. Please do not take this as an invitation to harass me with any of these though. I will be sad.
Irrational fear numero uno...escalators. They semi-terrify me. Probably for a whole number of reasons. First of all, my mother is a worst case scenario person at all times. So she frequently would let me know that things could get caught in there and pull your clothes off, or your hair, or worse your limbs. Secondly, I had a horrific experience one time when I was little and riding the escalator with my grandma. We were going up the escalator and I cannot recall exactly how it happened, perhaps hesitation and never having gotten on the escalator by myself. I'm pretty sure my grandma wasn't aware of this fact as she went up first and somehow I ended up riding the escalator on my back, feet first with them pointing towards the ceiling of the second floor. To add insult to injury, there was a little boy and his mom behind me and they were definitely talking and laughing at me. Where was my rescue party you ask? Who the heck knows. I cannot remember anyone helping me. Thanks G-ma. Third, in high school while running up the escalator to the store my friend worked in, I tripped and cut my knee pretty badly. I subsequently bled all over the store he worked at. Awesome.
Irrational fear numero dos...balloons. Particularly near my face. This doesn't have any cool story behind why I'm terrified of these. I just really don't like when they pop anywhere around my face. It's awful. I think possibly the anticipation of them popping is worse than anything but I hate it.
Numero tres...someone being in my shower. This is not even like a freaky person lurking in my shower waiting to kill me. It's a fear of people playing a trick on me and waiting in the shower. Either one actually. Haha, writing that down makes me chuckle. Who am I?
Ok, I think that's enough confessing for one blog post. That's too much fuel for everyone's fire.

First days of School

Can I just tell you how stinkin excited I am for this semester. I am literally not taking a single class I don't like. Here's my break down of classes. 

Psychology which I've taken already (thank you SVU for no credits counting), I've always loved this class so wasn't bummed I had to retake it. 

World Pre-history which is basically introduction to Archaeology so of course instant winner! Sitting in class listening to what we'll be learning literally makes my heart race with excitement just a little bit. Can I call it a burning in my bosom without being sacrilegious? 

Then we have English which I thoroughly enjoyed last semester so I'm expecting similar results. 

We come to Cultural Anthropology next which just seems fascinating, but the more I learn about the biological and archaeological aspects of anthropology, the more I'm convinced that's the area for me. 

And last but certainly not least we have Astronomy. Who knew I'd be so fascinated by space and the galactics. Certainly not this girl. I think I really like the way all life is tied in and it feels like the future while anthropology is focused on the past. 

Quite a rounded education, am I right?!?!?! It all just makes me so happy. Also, taking fifteen credits and 30 hours of work each week make me extremely tired. I'm pretty wiped out by 9 pm every night. Who am I?!?!?! 

Well for a little late night snack I will share with you lovelies a song that I'm quite enraptured with right now. Just beautiful and hopeful.

Also, enjoy this little piece of eye candy, taken by the beautiful and very talented Caitlin Moss.

Self Discipline

Here comes my obligatory New Year's resolutions blog post. There are a lot of things I want to work on in 2012. I feel like it's the year to do just that. I've started out the year pretty strong I'd say. I have only been out to eat twice in the past week, once to celebrate a good friend's birthday (totally justified), and once before I bought all those groceries. Goal one almost attained. I've also found that I really don't have a desire to buy food out. Now please don't tempt me and invite me out some place yummy. Yesterday I went to bed at 10:30 and woke up at 6:30. This was a little off my goal because I would like to wake up at 6am every day. Baby steps. Shelby and I have created a jar system for a vacation fund. We are going to make this the year of weekend getaways. I live in an outdoor paradise, I might as well be taking advantage while I live in the west. What should our first adventure be? I was dreading going to school this morning especially because I felt like I had had a temporary bout of insanity and registered for an 8am class. Getting home at 10 and not having to be at work until noon turned out to be fantastic though. I'm really excited about my world pre-history class as well. It's basically intro to archaeology and I've fallen in love already. My professor is from VA which makes me feel like we have a connection. A stretch but whatever. This is going to be a fantastic year I can just feel it. Bring it on!!!!!!!!