Mamas

Is one day out of the year to honor our mothers really sufficient? Probably not. To the women who gave us life, taught us how to safely cross a street, kissed our bruised bodies and egos, and taught us right from wrong, I salute you. You are who make the world go round. You are who raised the world leaders of today and are currently raising the ones of tomorrow. Mothers are not only the ones who raise you and gives birth to you, but the women you come into contact with every day that teach you lasting truths. My aunts were second mothers to me and still are very much so to this day. These women have taught me how to be a great woman, just by the examples that I see out of them every day. I wish everyone I knew, had a chance to meet these great women. They would be better for having known them. On this day to pay homage to our mothers, I'd like to discuss my own precious mother and how she has shaped me into the woman I am today. She is very much her mother, and I am very much mine. That's ok because the woman that raised her was great, and the woman that raised me, was great as well. Selfless almost to a fault, she taught me how to love with a christlike love. Her example of this is what fuels my compassion for people I come into contact with every day. My mother has taken the time to get to know me in such a  way, that I could walk into a room smiling and laughing but hurting inside and my mother knows. She would immediately say, "whats wrong?" and wouldn't accept a "nothing" answer. This continues even 2000 miles away. Just by the tone of my voice when I say hello to her, she can tell when I'm happy and when I'm not. My mom often tells me that I can call day or night if I need to talk, that the hour does not matter. I have never called her in the middle of the night just to chat, although she tells me all the time I can. It's nice to know that should I choose to call her at 3am just to shoot the breeze, she'd be up and ready to talk to me. She's amazing like that. She's the hardest worker I know, not just in her occupation, but in all aspects of her life. Her work is never done, it seems like. She is always doing for other people. I am the person I am today, because of her. 

When I surprised my mom by coming home for Christmas. 

This photo almost makes me cry every time. 

Can't you see the adoration in her eyes?!?!

Home Stretch

So here's to my first complete year back at school. Almost over. Whenever something is ending, I'm always reminded of how far I have to go. Not in a bad way anymore, but in an exciting, I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts way. Summer is coming up and I'm pretty stoked because summer is my favorite time in Utah. I played around with the idea of going home for the summer, but it just doesn't seem to fit anymore. Minor mental break down, but I'm fine now, thanks for asking. So I was thinking today about where I want to go with my life and I can honestly tell you that I'm not really sure. My latest kick, thank you Joylin and Cultural Anthropology is still graduate in Anth obviously, because I love it, but then I'm thinking maybe I want to work for a non-profit incorporating Anthropology somehow. It seems to fit quite nicely actually. I honestly just want to do something with my life that means something. Not that my life hasn't meant anything up to now. I think our lives always mean something based on the people we touch, but I mean really do some good in the world. I want to meet the people of the world. I find that the more I learn about other people's cultures and way of life, the more compassion I have for the people of the world. I heard a song today that really struck me. It was talking about you pick the date and I'll pick the city kind of a thing. I love that. I want to be able to just call up a good friend and say, "hey, next month, let's meet in Barcelona, or Santorini, or Istanbul." Awesome. Life goal attained. All after listening to a 3 minute song on Youtube. Yep, I'm really simple folks. So, that leads me back to my present state. Do I have that option right now? Um, no, but that's ok. Right now, I've gotta focus on the big picture. That's getting this education thing done so I can move on with my life. Until then, I want to explore this side of the country. Who's in for the Grand Canyon??????

Here's a little auditory snack for ya!

Happy Easter!

I love Easter. I love the candy, I love the new dresses, I love that it's spring and always seems to be sunny on Easter. What I especially love though, is my family. There are select holidays when my entire family gets together. We always spend Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, and Mother's Day as a family. By family, I mean my aunts, uncles, and cousins. We pack a house full of children and people and just eat, laugh, and have a good ole time. Times like these are what I miss the most living in Utah. I grew up as close to my cousins as I did my own sisters. I am just now realizing how rare that is. When I talk about my family, I literally mean my extended family. I wasn't just raised by my parents, I had examples in my aunts and uncles. These are the people that helped to shape my life and self just as much as my parents. I feel like that's the way it should be. I want that for my kids. It takes a village to raise a child, and I fully believe that. Going home for me, is seeing all these people, not just my immediate family. We vacation together, we celebrate holidays together, we even sometimes move away from home together. One thing is for certain though, I will never be alone in this world because I have the greatest extended family in the world to fall back on. I come from a long line of strong women that I am proud to call family. My great great great? (not sure how many greats) grandmother was the first to join the church in our family. As a result her store, which consequently was her home as well, was burnt down. This was her family's livelihood. She said, "they can take everything, but they cannot take my testimony". This is the example I have to look to. What a woman! From her and her husband, we have several families that have branched out and formed quite an impressive bunch of the Ferguson family. What a legacy! If you've ever been to an LDS church in South Western VA you have met at least one person from my family. It's the whole Roanoke VA Stake. No joke. Not even exaggerating. Our family was asked to stay behind and not migrate to Utah to build up the church in our area. We were also promised that the future generations would find worthy mates. What a promise for a family! I'm so proud of my heritage. I'm proud of the women who have come before me to show me the way. I'm proud of the family I come directly from, that still get together on holidays and keep traditions alive. I miss them terribly. I know that somehow, some day, I'll be able to sealed to them and keep our family together forever. Nothing makes me happier than that thought. Happy Easter everyone! 

For an Easter snack, enjoy these pics of my crazy family.

This is what is known as the Redneck Yacht Club

How many people should fit on one of those has never been a concern of ours.

We all look ROUGH!

Oh just a few of us.

We make weddings look good.

Lora's first concert! 

Don't they all look overjoyed?

Redo!

I've been forming this blog post in my mind for quite some time now. Due to a mandatory weeklong social media fast, I came up with this idea but was unable to put it done on virtual paper. Well, I'm sitting in astronomy class, which is clearly exactly where I should be blogging right? Probably not since I'm rocking a B in this class and really wanted an A. That is neither here nor there people, stay on task, this is my blog and I'll do what I want! So, I've compiled a mental list of moments in life that I wish I could relive and redo and keep exactly as they were. Let's start off with the best feeling in the entire world....

The start of summer break. 

Is there anything more exhilarating? I submit that there is not. I thought it was great in elementary school and jr. high but that was nothing compared to when we got to high school and became mobile. The start of summer meant freedom as we had never experienced it before. We hit the town hard that night. I had a group of friends that we had named the "posse". Don't judge. We ran amok in our city and had a massive sleepover that was just so fun. Blink-182 was the soundtrack of our lives that summer. The feeling of the start of summer is something that nothing else can compare to. In college, you can't just check out of responsibility for a few months. The start of summer just means the start of working intermixed with some vacations. In high school though, it meant absolutely nothing to do but chores at home and hanging out with friends. Awesome. 

When you find out your crush has a crush on you.

This is that thrilling moment when you realize all your adolescent dreams are coming true. You truly will be whole forever now because you and him are going to get married and have lots of babies and be blissfully happy and be rich and travel the world and blah, blah, blah, blah. I don't care who you are, this moment was awesome! You ran and told all your friends and screamed like a little school girl (b/c I'm a girl and that was allowed). Destiny had finally smiled upon you. Granted it was when you were 13 and your bliss probably lasted 3 days before you had a bitter break up via a note passed to you written on college ruled paper and folded into some sort of object that can be doubled as a finger football. Tragedy. Heartbreak was something akin to Chinese water torture and you probably wouldn't be whole again. That is until that other guy you had a crush on decides he'd like to "go out with you" for a week and see if you guys have a "future". Ah, young love.

Leaving on vacation.

Let's get real, packing sucks. Also, sitting around waiting for your parents to get everything ready to leave and packing the cars, trucks, campers, boats, etc sucked real bad. Pulling out of the driveway, however, was amazing! Being on the highway headed for your destination and the weeklong worry free vacation was just stellar! I still love roadtrips for this reason, I think. Anticipation of awesomeness is almost as good as awesomeness itself. 

Meeting someone that truly inspires you.

Do you ever meet someone and just a conversation with them makes your chest burn and feel like you are enlightened to a new way of thinking? Wow, that sounds so sappy and new age but it's happened a few times in my life and it is awesome when it does! I met such a woman yesterday in the writing lab at UVU. We talked about how I should finish my degree and move to Australia. Who knows if that will happen but talking to this woman inspired me in so many ways. Thanks UVU!

Fieldtrips.

I don't know what it was about fieldtrips when I was younger but nothing got me more excited. I could hardly sleep the night before I was so excited. I would get butterflies whenever I thought about the anticipation I was feeling. Maybe it was just that, more anticipation that I loved, or maybe it was just the fact that it was a break from the mundane school day, who knows. Either way, definitely my favorite part of school.

First kisses. 

Although the moment leading up to these are ALWAYS awkward, sometimes it is completely and 100% worth it. It's one thing to kiss someone that you are mildly attracted to/interested in, but it is another thing entirely to kiss someone you really like for the first time. Nothing short of extraordinary. 

All day playing in the woods.

My childhood home was nothing short of every child's dream. We were surrounded by woods and my family had made outdoor play a way of life. We had dirt bikes and would take off to play in the woods all day, only stopping to eat. No, we didn't go home to use the bathroom, that was for city slickers, which we were not.  We were also surrounded by cousins and so every day after school was spent in the woods, pretending we were orphans who had to build a house, and live off the land. Cops and robbers was also a way of life. I would give anything to go back for a day and play with all the cousins like time didn't matter again and the only deadline we had was dark. That was important since we still hadn't rigged a very good system for attaching a flashlight to the front of the motorcycles to be used as a makeshift headlight. Very non-reliable when blasting through the woods at 20mph. 

I can think of so many more but someone has to go get Jordan fed. Bless his heart. PS, he's not obese. (He wanted me to clarify)

Used to be

So for quite some time now, I've been semi-obsessed with the feeling that I've completely lost who I used to be. I called and talked to my cousin, that I have been super close with all my life. She always tells me that I was her social life growing up. That I forced her out of her shell and into the social world. I was the social butterfly. My mom similarly always tells me I'm her little social butterfly, that I'm a people person, and that my personality attracts people. What the heck happened? Where did I go wrong along the lines that that side of me just vanished? Since when have I been 100% content sitting at home on the weekends? In high school and the first part of college, I thrived on my social life. My best friend in high school could even tell when we hadn't hung out with enough people, I'd get semi-depressed, almost like a social cabin fever. I needed people to rejuvenate me. That's how I got my energy. Maybe it's because after my week, I'm just too tired to rally and face the world. Maybe I feel too old for the circles I'm running in. Maybe life experience has made me a bitter, cynical person who has no desire for anything new anymore. No, I don't think it's any of those things. I think Anna's right, the problem is....I'm content. You might not think this is a bad thing. For many, it isn't. However, for me, it absolutely is. I think we all have different talents, and they manifest themselves in a lot of different ways. I can get along with virtually anyone. I find, I can connect on some level with pretty much anyone and can adapt to fit into any social mold that I need to. Not in a fake way, mind you. But in a way that I understand that we are all human, and as such we all have the same basic wants and desires (perhaps showing a little naive realism here, but just go with it). Sometimes, you have to put aside your own selfishness to learn what makes someone else tick. I have friends from all walks of life, and I love them for all sorts of different reasons. One of the things my ex used to make fun of me for all the time was the fact that I love making connections with people. Who knows who. Who do I know, that you know? It's fun for me and makes the world seem like a much smaller place. He also thought it was so strange that I wanted to maintain relationships with people that were once part of my life. I think it's strange when people don't. Moving to Utah, people are so cyclical in your life that I've become accustomed to not maintaining these friendships. It's sad to me, when I think about it. When did this become the norm? When did there become a friend quota in my life and suddenly there's no room for more? Somethings gotta change. I have to make a conscience effort to be patient with people anymore when they want to chat with me or be my friend. What happened to the girl that could make friends with anyone? I want that girl back. That's the talent I've been ignoring. That's the one, I've been hiding under a bushel or burying. So from now on, let's all be friends ok? Where are all the cool people at?

I get it now

So basically I have never been one for much self discipline. I have never been one for self motivation either. The older I get the more and more I realize I want to be self disciplined and self motivated, the more I also figure out that I kinda am. When I make a decision, I can generally stick to it. It's a mental thing, all I have to do is remind myself that I made a goal and I'm not going to let myself down. It works. Well I had a conversation the other night with Bryce about whether or not we were the kind of people who could push themselves to physically get sick by working out. I said I didn't think I was because, I hate throwing up first of all, and second of all, I'm just not a big fan of pushing my body that far. Well, I was wrong. I have yet to throw up, but something has definitely snapped inside of me. The other night I pushed myself well over what I thought I was capable of and pushed past the point where I wanted to stop on the treadmill. Victory #1! 

Let's talk about spinning class for half a second. That class is enough to kill anyone! Half way through I'm feeling pretty fatigued, I don't have my whole heart into it. I want to, but it's just kinda hard to push myself at this point. That's when the song changed to "Stronger" by Kelly Clarkson came on. I don't know what it was but something in this song made me want to push myself. So I did, I went at it hard, way past the point of my legs burning and sweat dripping all down my face and back. I was loving it! I didn't want this for anyone but me. I was the one cheating myself if I didn't give it all I had. It didn't hurt that Lora was right beside me pushing herself just as hard. She's an inspiration in and of herself ladies and gentlemen. I'd like to take this time to publicly thank her for the opportunity and her knowledge of the human body that has brought about this change. You're great Lora Sue! 

As you enjoy this song, I want you to picture sprinting through all of the chorus. Quite effective right?!

My Analysis of The Vow

First of all, let's establish something. I'm a crier. I don't care if it's a sports movie, a sappy movie, a surprise reunion, or even that bloody Wal-Mart commercial where the soldier Mom comes home from war just in time for Christmas, I'm going to cry. Let's get real here people. After I watched Titanic, I sobbed for an hour. An hour! I didn't have any idea what love was at that point, but I was sure those people would never recover from the loss of it. The Vow was good. Was it a good idea to go on Valentine's Day when I had already had a good pre-game pity party for my well established singledom? Probably not. Either way, we went. I'm not going to give anything away in this post, no worries for those of you who haven't seen it. Well, at least, not anything that isn't already given away in the trailer. Sometimes, I have found recently, that certain movies strike different cords in me and bother me in ways that I didn't expect. I liked The Vow. I think it is a totally plausible storyline (obviously since it's based on a true story). What I didn't like was the feeling of frustration for unrequited love that he felt the whole time. It's an all too familiar feeling for me and for some reason bothers me more now than it ever did when I was living through it. The fight for love from one's spouse is a hopeless feeling and I didn't like feeling that throughout the movie. Granted, it's not her fault, she doesn't remember. Either way, totally depressing. Can we talk about good 'ole Leo for a second though. He's so patient with her and he loves her with a love that is total and all encompassing. I love his character and how he just wants her to be happy despite everything he is feeling. I love his gentleness. I love how he's willing to drop everything to make her fall in love with him again. So precious. If only life were always that simple and you could find that one person who will love you totally and completely that way. Sometimes I have a hard time with movies like that because all they do is make you reflect on the love you don't have or worse the love you've lost. So here's a question, is it better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all? Anymore I can't decide but most days I'm leaning towards, no. No it's not.