So for quite some time now, I've been semi-obsessed with the feeling that I've completely lost who I used to be. I called and talked to my cousin, that I have been super close with all my life. She always tells me that I was her social life growing up. That I forced her out of her shell and into the social world. I was the social butterfly. My mom similarly always tells me I'm her little social butterfly, that I'm a people person, and that my personality attracts people. What the heck happened? Where did I go wrong along the lines that that side of me just vanished? Since when have I been 100% content sitting at home on the weekends? In high school and the first part of college, I thrived on my social life. My best friend in high school could even tell when we hadn't hung out with enough people, I'd get semi-depressed, almost like a social cabin fever. I needed people to rejuvenate me. That's how I got my energy. Maybe it's because after my week, I'm just too tired to rally and face the world. Maybe I feel too old for the circles I'm running in. Maybe life experience has made me a bitter, cynical person who has no desire for anything new anymore. No, I don't think it's any of those things. I think Anna's right, the problem is....I'm content. You might not think this is a bad thing. For many, it isn't. However, for me, it absolutely is. I think we all have different talents, and they manifest themselves in a lot of different ways. I can get along with virtually anyone. I find, I can connect on some level with pretty much anyone and can adapt to fit into any social mold that I need to. Not in a fake way, mind you. But in a way that I understand that we are all human, and as such we all have the same basic wants and desires (perhaps showing a little naive realism here, but just go with it). Sometimes, you have to put aside your own selfishness to learn what makes someone else tick. I have friends from all walks of life, and I love them for all sorts of different reasons. One of the things my ex used to make fun of me for all the time was the fact that I love making connections with people. Who knows who. Who do I know, that you know? It's fun for me and makes the world seem like a much smaller place. He also thought it was so strange that I wanted to maintain relationships with people that were once part of my life. I think it's strange when people don't. Moving to Utah, people are so cyclical in your life that I've become accustomed to not maintaining these friendships. It's sad to me, when I think about it. When did this become the norm? When did there become a friend quota in my life and suddenly there's no room for more? Somethings gotta change. I have to make a conscience effort to be patient with people anymore when they want to chat with me or be my friend. What happened to the girl that could make friends with anyone? I want that girl back. That's the talent I've been ignoring. That's the one, I've been hiding under a bushel or burying. So from now on, let's all be friends ok? Where are all the cool people at?
